In my practice I frequently ask clients how they know that they feel a certain emotion.  These first few days on my blog I am using writing prompts and today’s is:

“What’s one thing you’re proud of?”

So I will start where I ask my clients to.  When I am proud of something I feel it in my throat and my shoulders.  I feel a sense of urgency in my throat like there is something that will leap out if I don’t contain it.  My shoulders are often high and back such that I am standing tall.  So if I am not already aware, then this is how my body tells me that I am having a proud moment.  I have had several accomplishments in my life some big, some little, but whether big or small pride feels the same, it is just a matter of how long it lasts.  I was proud when I graduated from college,  I was proud when I completed grad school.  I was proud when I single handedly (well I used both of my hands and a little bit of help from two others) cracked my snowblower in half, replaced the auger belt, and got it up and running at midnight during a snowstorm.

But I am most proud of who I am as a mother.  I have two teenage boys and I had the good fortune to be able to stay at home with them full time for 10 years.  Their father and I separated and subsequently divorced, but we continue to successfully co-parent by putting their needs first.  The boys spend time at both households and each home has it’s own personality while maintaining congruent priorities and values.

When I was younger I did not spend much time at all thinking about what my life would be like and whether or not I would have children.  I was quite focused and ambitious when I was in college and I assumed that when the time came to have kids, I would continue to be engaged in what was sure to be a successful career and I would utilize day care like so many people do.

Fast forward to the day that my son was born in late 1997 and I tackled motherhood with the same passion and ambition that I had put into my work and my education.  Rather suddenly I was flooded with ideas and images of what I wanted for my family and my child(ren).  I have not been perfect, but I have stayed as true to those ideas and images, divorce and all.  When I step back and observe my life and my boys I feel incredibly proud of the job that I have done and continue to do…